Using The Enneagram For Coaching

 One of the most beautiful things that comes from learning about the Enneagram is the understanding, and then empathy, that you gain for yourself and then for others. It allows us to see that until the work starts happening, a person acts and reacts the way that they do, without choice. It is the ego running the show.

Let's say that someone you know was surfing and got their hands bit off by a shark. Yes, both of them. How? I do not know, but it just somehow happened. Would you be frustrated by them if they could not play pickleball? Help carry in as many groceries as you could? Paint a beautiful picture? Of course not! You would have a very clear understanding of their life's perspective and would have empathy.

Now transfer this to how knowing your type, with all of its wounds, struggles and coping, plus knowing the type of the people closest to you, with all their wounds, struggles and coping, can really help in relationships.

Here is real-life example number 1:

Odin and his wife, Flora, are driving in the city. Flora is what her husband calls "a nervous driver" and Flora does agree with this label. So oftentimes Flora will drive because then she at least feels somewhat in control. But on this particular day, Odin was driving. Despite knowing that Flora was very anxious, Odin drove aggressively and without caution, not even following the rules of driving. This is a scenario that could easily have erupted into WW3. You might even be reading this and think that Odin is very insensitive. But because Flora understands the WHY of what Odin does, she can respond without reactivity and in a manner that does not trigger reactivity in Odin. It is not that Odin is insensitive, despite being a Norse god of war, no, it's just the way his ego defense operates. Once Flora can mention that she is a little anxious, it activates his need to protect her. Crisis averted.

Real- life example number 2:

Clara is a lovely girl. As a teen, she doesn't really seem to cause any of the problems that her mom, Ginger, sees with Clara's friends. Everyone agrees, Clara is easy. Except that Clara tends to lie or distort the truth about seemingly insignificant things. Ginger notices her smiling and nodding "yes" to something and then Ginger will find out later that was not the truth. Ginger could lower the boom on Clara, after all, lying is lying. But Ginger understood WHY Clara was lying and she preferred to keep a good relationship with her daughter rather than be right. So instead, she created an environment for her daughter to feel seen and where she could freely express her desires without worrying that she would cause problems. Clara is still a teenager and still does things that all teenagers do, but she saves the lying for the big things now (insert winking emoji here).

If you have a relationship in your life that you would like to improve (maybe even with your self), and this is intriguing to you, please be in touch through my website or social media.